6th June – 水無月
本音と建前: 本音 (Honne) means honest and real meaning that the person says, on the other hand, 建前 (Tatemae) is the public face that the person who talks does not truly mean the words.
Many countries have its own way of 本音と建前, however Japanese use this quite often – and many of them can differentiate the 本音 and 建前. That is why many people who is not raised in Japan, think it is very hard to get very close to Japanese, “Don’t know what my Japanese friend is truly thinking!”
Perhaps, you might think being honest is the priority over 建前. However, Japanese tend to think 建前 is a types of compassion – saying 建前 instead of 本音 in order not to hurt other person’s feeling.
Some of the examples can be seen in normal life in Japan;
1. when a person (A) asks for a dinner, but (B) says “I wish I could, but I don’t have time (have another plan) for tonight.”
Sometimes, that excuse can be true, but the other case this means (B) doesn’t want to go for a dinner with (A). Probably (B) isn’t interested in going for a dinner with (A), because if (B) really wishes to go, (B) would change the plan or take time for (A). (´；ω；`)
2. When one company (A) get a message from company (B) that (B) will consider the the project with (A) positively. – 前向きに検討いたします (Maemuki ni Kentou Itashimasu)
Again, this could be the real meaning, but it can be negative response as well. By not saying NO directly, it will not bring a bad relationship with each companies. ヽ(；▽；)ノ
3. When a person offers (A), but another person (B) says no thank you.
Probably in this case (most likely souvenir, foods, money), many of Japanese say like that, as this manner could be told by parents. In Japanese society, the plot goes like this:
“Do you want some snack?”
‘Oh, no it’s ok!’
“No way? Don’t be modest, have some! Have some!”
‘Then, I would love to have one! Thank you!”
In Japanese culture, being humble is a virtue. (B) was expecting (A) would ask it again. Refraining the first offer from (A) is an usual phrase in this situation. It is almost certain that (A) would offer again after saying no thanks. ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ
Mostly those 建前 are called 社交辞令 (Shakoujirei) – usual phrase that are used in certain situation, and it does not have the literal meaning. Maybe because of this culture, Japanese try not to fight and be calm in relationships.
However, as all people are different and have own opinion, 建前 cannot be understood, so people have to use it carefully. Also 建前 could include ironic and pushing reminder in some cases too – Japanese culture is very deep!
Little Japan Dictionary 
Japan is indeed a land of peace what it goes if Gautam Buddha was born in Nepal.
In fact here in Nepal. Especially in our home. The kid’s manner depends upon mom’s payroll.
I remember whenever the guest was to come home. Our mom used to bribe us just to shut our mouth. That was the major source of pocket money back then. The more you become humble in front of the guest, the more money you get. What an old day!
Great to know how you guys are always calm in every situation.
LikeLiked by 1 person
But, under the surface it’s too stressful actually! Many hide the true feeling and one day when they cannot hold their temper, they will explode like a volcano!
That’s interesting story of yours, also some Japanese too that we want the others to think the house status is higher than its actual, so bribing kids to be good kids haha My family didn’t give me money for it but asked me to bring teas and stuff! Wish they did give me some cash like yours:)
LikeLiked by 1 person